Season of Change

It has been one week since we dropped Derrik and Devin off at BYU. The trip went relatively smoothly, but by the end we were all ready to part our separate ways. Although the goodbyes were a bit tearful, it was time for all of us.

For the past month my nightly prayers would involve many tears as it would hit me that my time with the boys was drawing to a close. I found myself reflecting over their 18+ years and wondering how it could go by so quickly. I found myself wondering over and over again if I taught them all they needed to know, do they know how much I love them, have I prepared each of them enough for life on their own? What if I missed something along the way? Are they ready? Am I ready? Such emotions flooded me every night.

I became overwhelmed with memories of their lives. Even as I write the tears keep coming. But these are happy tears. I feel so honored and blessed to have raised these two wonderful boys, now men. They have been such a joy to me their entire lives so far. I have been amazed at the strong bond of friendship they naturally have. Even as babies after nap time, they would be in their own cribs throwing things back and forth and giggling for at least an hour later. Oh sure, Devin always knows just what buttons to push to drive Derrik crazy, and Derrik always knows just how to put Devin back in his place. (That will never change), but the love they have for one another is indescribable.

I am filled with memories of their laughter and their smiles. I remember many an evening when we would play silly games in the backyard for hours. I remember them making mud pies in the sandbox, or dressing up as pirates, ninjas, or super heros and fight all the "bad guys". I remember their excitement to play anything that involved a ball until soccer became their sport of choice. I remember how quickly both learned to play piano and how our house was constantly filled with music. Oh how I will miss that.

But seasons change. Our lives have changed. Change is not always easy for me as my children grow and leave. They have been my life and focus and now my heart is aching just a little. But it is going to be okay. To everything there is a season. It is their season to expand their horizons and grow. It is my season to stand in the distance and watch them.